326 | More confidence, less negative mind chatter (part 2)

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Jess Guzik: Our thoughts and
psychological experiences can be

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very intangible, sometimes very
difficult for us to be aware of

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and to notice and to understand.
This board of directors audit

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and me giving names to the
people on my mental board of

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directors is a way of making my
psychological experience easier

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to witness and see and
understand, if we can witness

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and see and understand our
psychological experience that

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helps us have the power to
change it.

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Welcome to the art of speaking
up a podcast that helps

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professional women access the
limitless potential that lies

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within them. I'm your host,
Jessica guzzik, and my mission

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is to help you find that spark
inside you that has the power to

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transform your career in ways
you may not have thought

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possible. I'm so excited that
you're here and now onto the

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show.

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Welcome to the podcast, and
welcome to part two of my

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episode series on mindset and
changing your inner

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psychological landscape in order
to feel more confident and take

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up more space at work. So what
I'm going to do is I'm going to

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give you a hyper speed recap of
part one, just for continuity

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sake, but just know that this
episode is meant to be listened

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to after you've heard part one.
So it's not going to fully make

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sense or sink in unless you've
listened to part one. So go back

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and listen to part one if you
haven't already. But the super

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quick recap is in part one, I
shared with you this idea that

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we all have a fictional,
imaginary board of directors, or

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like advisory committee, that
lives in our minds. And I think

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of all of the thoughts that we
have about us and how good we

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are and how much space we're
worthy of taking up in the

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world, all of those thoughts
that we have. I think of those

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thoughts as being the voices of
the people who sit on that board

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of directors or on that advisory
committee. And the idea is that

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if we have a mental board of
directors that is very negative

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and shares negative thoughts
with us, aka, we have lots of

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negative thoughts about
ourselves, it interferes with us

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taking the actions that we want
to take, to leave the legacy and

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impact that we want to leave in
our careers, whereas, if we have

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a mental Board of Directors
comprised of really encouraging,

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determined, motivated, positive
voices, that helps us show up

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bigger for ourselves and for our
careers, it helps us feel more

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confident and make our goals
come to fruition much faster.

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And what I want to do in today's
episode, in part two is I want

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to walk you through an audit of
your mental board of directors.

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And the best way for us to do
this is actually I'm going to

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take myself through the audit.
So I'm going to audit who are

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some of the people that are
sitting on my mental board of

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directors that need to be fired,
and who are the people that I

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want sitting on my mental board
of directors, because their

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perspectives and their voices
make me feel strong and

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confident inside. So I'm going
to be going through a process

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where I'm going to identify my
negative board members. I'm

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going to fire them. I'm going to
think through who I want sitting

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on my board of directors. We're
going to go into lots of details

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about my negative thoughts and
the skeletons that are in my

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mind. And if you want to do this
alongside me, I created a

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worksheet where you can follow
along so you don't have to. You

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can just listen to this episode
and you'll get a lot out of it,

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but probably some of you are
going to want to dig deeper and

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actually do this work. And so if
you want to do your own audit

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and you want to go through this
process step by step, you can

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grab the audit worksheet that
goes with this episode at the

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link in the show notes, or at
just guzzet coaching.com/audit

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Okay, now, when I was thinking
through who are the negative

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voices on my mental board of
directors who need to be fired

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and kicked out of my mind and
whose voices I do not want

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dictating my decisions and
actions, as I was going through

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that Exercise, I decided to give
them names like human names, and

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I encourage you to do this for
yourself as well. This is hugely

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valuable, because the name helps
make the psychological

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experience more concrete and
really easier to see and

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understand. So I think what.
Tricky about mindset work is

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mindset. Work is about what's
happening in our mind. It's

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about our thoughts. It's about
our psychological experiences

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and our thoughts. And
psychological experiences can be

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very intangible, sometimes very
difficult for us to be aware of

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and to notice and to understand.
And so this board of directors

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audit and me giving names to the
people on my mental board of

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directors is a way of making my
psychological experience easier

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to witness and see and
understand. And if we can

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witness and see and understand
our psychological experience,

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that helps us have the power to
change it, because a big reason

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that we often get stuck is that
the thoughts we're having and

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the mindset patterns that we are
getting stuck in, they're

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happening so fast and so
automatically that we don't even

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realize they're happening, and
we don't even realize that it's

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our own thinking and Our own
mindset that's actually keeping

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us stuck. And so for me, by
naming the people on my board of

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directors that need to get fired
and kicked out, I am slowing

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down my own thought process. I'm
giving myself space to look at

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it and observe it, and when I
look at it and observe it, that

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gives me the ability to make
decisions on how I want to

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respond to it when I notice it
coming up in the future. I share

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this with you because so many
women who listen to my show and

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so many of my clients want to
experience psychological change.

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And so often a question that I
get is like, how how do I

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strengthen my mindset? How do I
become more confident? How do I

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break some of these frustrating
patterns that are keeping me

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stuck? And this is a huge piece
of how we do it. We create space

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to observe and reflect and
understand what we are

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experiencing psychologically. So
that's what we're doing

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together. And I'm going to walk
you through the audit of all of

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the people on my board of
directors who I do not want to

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have a seat on my board of
directors. I do not want them to

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be on the board. I do not want
them to have voting power,

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because when they do, they
interfere with how I show up in

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the world, and they delay my
progress of reaching and

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attaining my goals. So I'm going
to walk you through each one of

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them. Then I'm going to walk you
through my thoughts on, quote,

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unquote, firing them from my
mental board of directors. Okay,

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so here we go. Are you ready to
enter into the dark recesses of

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my mind? Because we are going in
there. So first person on my

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mental board of directors who
I'm giving the boot. I named her

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perfectionist Pam. Perfectionist
Pam wants everything to be at an

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unreasonable level of
perfection. Nothing is ever good

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enough for her. I could do the
most incredible work. She will

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never be satisfied. She will
turn up her nose at it. She will

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find what's wrong with it. So
she creates a ton of pressure

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and anxiety, and she also makes
it really difficult for me to

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feel any sort of like sense of
pride and fulfillment and

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accomplishment around my work
and my achievements. Second

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person on my board of directors
that needs to be fired is named

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judgmental Judy, which is funny,
because that kind of reminds me

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of Judge Judy, but judgmental
Judy, her habit is to judge and

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shame whatever I do. She has a
thought on why it's not good,

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why there's something wrong with
it. Judgmental. Judy especially

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loves when I make mistakes or I
mess something up, or I do

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something wrong. That's when she
really likes to pipe in with her

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thoughts and opinions, and she
really likes to point out and

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amplify the mistakes that I have
made, and really use those

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mistakes to support her argument
that I've got some really deep

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character flaws. So that's
judgmental. Judy. We don't like

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her. The third person on my
board of directors also warning

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I'm about to use adult language.
So if you're listening with a

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kiddo, you might just want to
pause. But you know, we gotta be

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real here in this audit. Like,
this is an audit, right? So it

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has to be accurate. The next
person on my mental Board of

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Directors who's gotta go is
named bitchy Barbara, and I felt

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like I had to add her, because
she's just someone who's just

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mean, mean spirited, just evil,
unkind, and she has all kinds of

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just mean thoughts, like she
just brings this dark energy,

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and she loves to find ways to
insult me and just find things

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about me that she thinks are
distasteful. She's similar to

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judgmental Judy, but I would say
with a darker undercurrent, like

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she's meaner and harsher than
judgmental. Judy, the next

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person on my mental Board of
Directors who's got to go is

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comparison, Kathy. Comparison.
Kathy mainly takes what I'm

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doing and compares it to other
people in a way that makes me

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feel really bad. So if I do
something that didn't turn out

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well. Comparison, Kathy will go
and find someone who's doing

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that thing really well, and I'll
feel horrible about myself, and

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of course, then you have like,
judgmental Judy and bitchy

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Barbara chiming in and
perfectionist Pam piling on,

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right? But even if I accomplish
something great, comparison,

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Kathy will go out and find
someone who's done something

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better. So she's constantly on
the lookout for someone who's

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doing it right or one upping me,
and it makes it really hard then

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for me to sit with my talents
and strengths and

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accomplishments. There's also
someone on my board who needs to

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go called doomsday Deborah.
Doomsday Deborah spends most of

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her time predicting worst case
scenarios, like predicting

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really bad things that can
happen. A lot of her predictions

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are very unlikely. They're
almost like freak accident type

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predictions, but she likes to
spend a lot of time figuring out

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what they could be and mapping
them out. And she really shuts

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down my creativity and my
motivation, and she also creates

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quite a bit of anxiety. Another
person on my board of directors,

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in the group of people that need
to be fired, is glass half

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empty, Glenda. She is the worst.
She's a very loud voice on my

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inner board of directors. So she
only notices the empty half of

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the glass, she only notices what
hasn't been done, what is

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missing, what isn't working. She
dismisses anything that is good

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and is working and has been
accomplished, and she literally

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only sees what isn't there and
what is bad. I could have like a

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productive day where I
accomplish a zillion things, and

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at the end of the day, glass
half empty, Glenda will be like,

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Wow. Well, you didn't get
anything done today. She will

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just find a way to make it feel
like there hasn't been any

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progress and there's nothing
good here. I've got a couple

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more people on the board that
you're going to hear about. The

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next one is contortionist
Katrina. She's a sneaky one. So

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it took me some thinking and
reflection to realize that she

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was on my mental board of
directors. And as soon as I did,

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I was like, wow, she's a super
sneaky voice. And contortionist

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Katrina, Her job is to contort
reality and to contort facts and

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data to support the other people
on my board of directors. So for

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example, I mentioned about how
glass half empty Glenda can find

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a negative interpretation even
when things are going great. So

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contortionist Katrina will
partner with glass half empty

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Glenda and contort the facts. So
let's say I accomplished

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something really big, like I
finished writing an ebook.

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Contortionist Katrina will
whisper in glass half empty

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glenda's ear, like, Oh, Jess
didn't really finish writing the

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ebook. She actually spent an
hour lying by the pool today,

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and she was pretending to write
the ebook, and then glass half

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empty, Glenda will be like, Ha,
See, I told you, you didn't

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accomplish anything today. And
so contortionist Katrina is

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literally skewing the fact,
skewing the data, skewing

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reality, to create negative
interpretations and negative

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data to fuel some of these other
members of my mental board of

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directors. Finally, the last
person on my list is anxious

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Abigail. Anxious. Abigail just
likes to worry about everything.

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Her main job is to collect facts
and find things to worry about.

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Now, she's actually well
intentioned. She's not trying to

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make me feel bad, like some of
the other board members are.

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She's trying to protect me, and
she's, like, really,

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legitimately worried the bad
things will happen, but she,

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too, is really in cahoots with
contortionist Katrina, so a lot

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of her anxiety isn't coming from
what's real. It's coming from

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the lies that contortionist
Katrina feeds to anxious

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Abigail. So as you can probably
see, contortionist Katrina plays

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a really key role on my board of
directors, where she supplies a

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lot of inaccurate facts and
data. The phrase Fake news is

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coming to mind. She supplies
fake news to the other members

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of my board of directors to fuel
their voices. Okay, so if you're

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doing this exercise, this might
give you a sense of who some of

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the people on your mental Board
of Directors might be. They

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might be the same as mine. They
might be different. In the audit

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worksheet that I mentioned, I
listed out all of the members of

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my board of directors that I
talked about here on the

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episode, so you can use them as
inspiration and to help you

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identify your own experiences
and who's on your internal board

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of directors. And now I just
want to talk a little bit about

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how these members of my mental
Board of Directors impact.

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Impact my confidence and my
behavior. And then, most

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importantly, I want to talk
about how I think about firing

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them from my mental board of
directors and who I replace them

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with. So as part of this
exercise, it's really important

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to not just identify who's on
this mental board of directors,

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but also to identify when I
allow these board members to be

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the ones approving my decisions,
what kind of decisions do I

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make? Because remember, the idea
behind this is that they're an

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advisory committee, and their
opinions are dictating your

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actions, right? That's what we
talked about in part one of this

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series. So when these voices
that I mentioned perfectionist,

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Pam, judgmental, Judy, bitchy,
Barbara, comparison. Kathy,

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Doomsday, Deborah, glass half
empty. Glenda, contortionist,

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Katrina and anxious Abigail,
when these board members have

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decision power and have voting
power on my mental board, what

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happens is I don't want to take
any risks. I don't take risks. I

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don't exit my comfort zone. I
don't do things that are, like,

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scary or new or uncomfortable. I
don't show up big, I don't have,

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like, a loud voice. I don't
express myself in a really bold

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way. I also don't trust myself.
I don't like act on my intuitive

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impulses and the ideas that come
up. I kind of just like dismiss

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them and let them fizzle away. I
also don't act on like, bursts

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of creative inspiration. If I
have an idea or something I'm

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excited about, instead of
following it and acting on it,

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I'll just, like, let it die out
and let it fizzle away. Because

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all of these board members are
going to have so many critical

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thoughts about it and about why
it's not good enough, and about

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why it's not gonna work, and
about why I shouldn't do it. And

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finally, the other way that
these board members impact me is

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that I feel really tired, not
necessarily physically tired,

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but mentally tired, like I
almost imagine all of these

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voices in a room, talking,
talking, talking, talking, all

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day long, just like listening to
that cacophony of voices, oh my

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gosh. I just used the word
cacophony for the first time in

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my life in a sentence. Woo. Yay
me. But like, listening to that

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is so draining, it is so
exhausting, and it leaves not

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much energy left to do anything
else, like, even if these Board

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of Directors members weren't
making me feel risk averse and

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small and afraid and anxious and
scared, just the sheer

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exhaustion that I would feel
from listening to their voices

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on its own would be enough to
get in the way of the behaviors

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that I want to take that get me
closer to my goals and dreams,

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and so for me, I make a decision
that these board members are not

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allowed to be on my mental board
of directors, because if they

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are, I'm not going to get the
things that I want in my life

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and in my career. I'm not going
to feel the way that I want to

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feel. I'm not going to feel
capable and confident and

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powerful and autonomous, and I'm
not going to achieve the goals

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that I want to achieve. So when
I was in my corporate career,

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those goals included becoming an
executive, leading teams,

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working on big projects, having
a big compensation package. And

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now I'm not in corporate but now
my goals include running a

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business, having a powerful
voice, growing my business like

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building something big. And I
know that if I listen to these

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voices, and if these people are
on my board of directors, those

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goals aren't going to come to
fruition, or they're going to

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take much longer than they would
ordinarily take. And so I have

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decided that these people don't
get to sit on my board. Now,

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here's the thing. Here's the
thing about the mental board of

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directors is that I think of
these board members as being

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pushy and aggressive. So even if
I fire them and I'm like, Okay,

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I've identified perfectionist
Pam, and I'm firing her from my

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board of directors, she will,
just like, bust back in to the

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boardroom, even though she's
fired. So these board members

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aren't very compliant when we
ask them to get out of town. And

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so what I often think of is,
okay, I'm not going to be able

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to banish them forever, right?
They're going to keep coming

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back in and busting down the
door because they're really

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annoying and really stubborn, so
I probably can't keep them out

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of my board of directors
permanently, but what I can do

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is I can take away their voting
power, so they can be super loud

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and they can have lots of
negative thoughts and opinions.

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But if I know that they don't
get voting power, then I'm going

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to take the actions that I want
to take, and I'm not going to

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listen to what they are telling
me to do, because they are

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telling me to do things that
involve me showing up small and

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not achieving my goals. And that
doesn't work for me. So when it

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comes to your board of directors
and those negative voices who

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you. Don't want getting in the
way of you showing up

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powerfully. There are a couple
ways that you can think about

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managing that. Of course, the
ideal is to just kick them off

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the board, to fire them. And
while they are stubborn, I have

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seen within myself and within so
many of my clients that after a

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certain amount of time spent
working through a negative

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thought pattern that we keep on
having in our minds. We often do

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get to a point where those
thoughts just stop coming up,

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and that board member is just
permanently fired from the

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board. So one example for me is
glass half empty Glenda. I used

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to really struggle to see the
good in any situation, but

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especially the good in myself
and my own accomplishments and

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the things that I was working
on. And it was one of the more

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stubborn pieces, like she was
one of the louder, more stubborn

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members of my board of
directors, and because I was so

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aware of that and really wanted
to adjust that and work on that.

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That's not something that really
comes up for me, like maybe

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every once in a while she busts
into the boardroom, but it's not

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frequent, and it's pretty easy
for me to push her out. So the

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ideal situation is that you do
the work, and that board member

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is done, fired, kaput, they're
not there anymore, but to take

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the pressure off of you and so
that you don't feel this sense

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of like, well, if I have these
negative thoughts, then I'm

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doing it wrong. What I like to
think about instead is, number

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one, taking away their voting
power, making sure that these

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negative perspectives and
negative people on your board of

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directors aren't dictating the
choices and actions that you

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make day to day. And number two,
this is what I'm going to get

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into in part three of this
series. One of the most powerful

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ways to weaken the negative
voices on your board of

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directors, especially if they're
stubborn and it's really hard to

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fire them, is to fill your board
of directors with the voices

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that you do want there, so you
drown out the negative voices by

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flooding your mental board of
director with positive,

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encouraging voices. And so in
part three of this series, I'm

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going to walk you through the
people that I intentionally,

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quote, unquote, curate for my
mental board of directors. So if

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I don't want perfectionist Pam
and judgmental Judy and bitchy

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00:22:24,439 --> 00:22:28,159
Barbara on there, who do I want
on there? Who are the board

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members that are going to
support me, and what type of

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energy and perspective do they
bring? So in part three, that's

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what I'm going to dive into, and
that is one of the most

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important pieces of all of this.
So make sure that you listen to

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part three. And if you want to
do this exercise for yourself

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and you want to identify who's
on your board of directors that

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needs to be fired, who do you
want to bring in? If you want to

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see the names and descriptions
of my board of directors, people

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for inspiration, you will find
this on the worksheet that goes

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with this episode, and you can
grab that worksheet by clicking

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00:23:02,759 --> 00:23:05,219
the link in the show notes or
going to Jessica

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00:23:05,219 --> 00:23:05,639
coaching.com/audit

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before I close out this episode,
I also want to remind you that

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00:23:11,580 --> 00:23:15,720
enrollment for my group program
is coming up. Doors will open

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00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,320
towards the end of September. So
keep your eyes peeled, if you

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00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,760
like mindset work, and if this
inner work is what you want to

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00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,240
do more of which I recommend you
do, because it is one of the

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00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:30,320
most powerful ways to transform
your confidence. You will love

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00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,980
the art of speaking up Academy I
help you develop a strong,

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00:23:33,980 --> 00:23:38,180
confident voice, not just by
teaching you the tactical

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00:23:38,180 --> 00:23:41,500
communication tools that you
need to really shine when you

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00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:45,760
speak, but more importantly, to
help you do the inner work to

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00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:49,660
strengthen your self confidence,
because a strong, effective,

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00:23:49,660 --> 00:23:53,980
powerful voice in the room comes
primarily from you having deep

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00:23:53,980 --> 00:23:57,100
belief in yourself and your
capabilities. If that's a

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00:23:57,100 --> 00:24:00,900
transformation that you are so
ready for, come join me in the

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00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:03,900
next cohort, and make sure to
add yourself to the wait list so

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00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,360
that you don't miss the
enrollment period, and I will

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00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:10,200
put the link to the academy
waitlist in the show notes. I'm

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00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:14,400
so happy you're here, and I am
so excited to catch you in part

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00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,200
three, so I will see you there.
You.