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Sept. 4, 2024
326 | More confidence, less negative mind chatter (part 2)
If you're ready to feel unstoppably confident, this week's episode series is for you. Today we're deep diving into how to let go of the negative self-talk and second-guessing that's keeping you from demonstrating your fullest potential at work. If you're ready to develop a rock-solid mindset that helps you feel unstoppable at work - you're going to LOVE today's episode!
To grab the FREE audit worksheet that goes with this episode:
https://jessguzikcoaching.com/audit/
To join the waitlist for The Art of Speaking Up Academy - click here:
https://jessguzikcoaching.com/academy/
To listen to the episode I mentioned:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/312-a-powerful-shift-to-help-you-build-deep-seated/id1436888741?i=1000659364100
Wanna say hi? I'd love to hear from you! You can email me at jessica@theartofspeakingup.com
Transcript
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Jess Guzik: Our thoughts and
psychological experiences can be
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very intangible, sometimes very
difficult for us to be aware of
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and to notice and to understand.
This board of directors audit
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and me giving names to the
people on my mental board of
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directors is a way of making my
psychological experience easier
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to witness and see and
understand, if we can witness
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and see and understand our
psychological experience that
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helps us have the power to
change it.
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Welcome to the art of speaking
up a podcast that helps
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professional women access the
limitless potential that lies
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within them. I'm your host,
Jessica guzzik, and my mission
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is to help you find that spark
inside you that has the power to
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transform your career in ways
you may not have thought
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possible. I'm so excited that
you're here and now onto the
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show.
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Welcome to the podcast, and
welcome to part two of my
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episode series on mindset and
changing your inner
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psychological landscape in order
to feel more confident and take
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up more space at work. So what
I'm going to do is I'm going to
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give you a hyper speed recap of
part one, just for continuity
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sake, but just know that this
episode is meant to be listened
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to after you've heard part one.
So it's not going to fully make
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sense or sink in unless you've
listened to part one. So go back
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and listen to part one if you
haven't already. But the super
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quick recap is in part one, I
shared with you this idea that
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we all have a fictional,
imaginary board of directors, or
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like advisory committee, that
lives in our minds. And I think
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of all of the thoughts that we
have about us and how good we
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are and how much space we're
worthy of taking up in the
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world, all of those thoughts
that we have. I think of those
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thoughts as being the voices of
the people who sit on that board
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of directors or on that advisory
committee. And the idea is that
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if we have a mental board of
directors that is very negative
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and shares negative thoughts
with us, aka, we have lots of
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negative thoughts about
ourselves, it interferes with us
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taking the actions that we want
to take, to leave the legacy and
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impact that we want to leave in
our careers, whereas, if we have
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a mental Board of Directors
comprised of really encouraging,
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determined, motivated, positive
voices, that helps us show up
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bigger for ourselves and for our
careers, it helps us feel more
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confident and make our goals
come to fruition much faster.
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And what I want to do in today's
episode, in part two is I want
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to walk you through an audit of
your mental board of directors.
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And the best way for us to do
this is actually I'm going to
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take myself through the audit.
So I'm going to audit who are
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some of the people that are
sitting on my mental board of
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directors that need to be fired,
and who are the people that I
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want sitting on my mental board
of directors, because their
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perspectives and their voices
make me feel strong and
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confident inside. So I'm going
to be going through a process
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where I'm going to identify my
negative board members. I'm
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going to fire them. I'm going to
think through who I want sitting
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on my board of directors. We're
going to go into lots of details
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about my negative thoughts and
the skeletons that are in my
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mind. And if you want to do this
alongside me, I created a
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worksheet where you can follow
along so you don't have to. You
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can just listen to this episode
and you'll get a lot out of it,
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but probably some of you are
going to want to dig deeper and
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actually do this work. And so if
you want to do your own audit
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and you want to go through this
process step by step, you can
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grab the audit worksheet that
goes with this episode at the
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link in the show notes, or at
just guzzet coaching.com/audit
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Okay, now, when I was thinking
through who are the negative
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voices on my mental board of
directors who need to be fired
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and kicked out of my mind and
whose voices I do not want
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dictating my decisions and
actions, as I was going through
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that Exercise, I decided to give
them names like human names, and
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I encourage you to do this for
yourself as well. This is hugely
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valuable, because the name helps
make the psychological
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experience more concrete and
really easier to see and
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understand. So I think what.
Tricky about mindset work is
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mindset. Work is about what's
happening in our mind. It's
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about our thoughts. It's about
our psychological experiences
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and our thoughts. And
psychological experiences can be
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very intangible, sometimes very
difficult for us to be aware of
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and to notice and to understand.
And so this board of directors
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audit and me giving names to the
people on my mental board of
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directors is a way of making my
psychological experience easier
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to witness and see and
understand. And if we can
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witness and see and understand
our psychological experience,
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that helps us have the power to
change it, because a big reason
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that we often get stuck is that
the thoughts we're having and
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the mindset patterns that we are
getting stuck in, they're
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happening so fast and so
automatically that we don't even
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realize they're happening, and
we don't even realize that it's
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our own thinking and Our own
mindset that's actually keeping
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us stuck. And so for me, by
naming the people on my board of
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directors that need to get fired
and kicked out, I am slowing
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down my own thought process. I'm
giving myself space to look at
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it and observe it, and when I
look at it and observe it, that
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gives me the ability to make
decisions on how I want to
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respond to it when I notice it
coming up in the future. I share
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this with you because so many
women who listen to my show and
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so many of my clients want to
experience psychological change.
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And so often a question that I
get is like, how how do I
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strengthen my mindset? How do I
become more confident? How do I
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break some of these frustrating
patterns that are keeping me
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stuck? And this is a huge piece
of how we do it. We create space
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to observe and reflect and
understand what we are
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experiencing psychologically. So
that's what we're doing
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together. And I'm going to walk
you through the audit of all of
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the people on my board of
directors who I do not want to
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have a seat on my board of
directors. I do not want them to
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be on the board. I do not want
them to have voting power,
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because when they do, they
interfere with how I show up in
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the world, and they delay my
progress of reaching and
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attaining my goals. So I'm going
to walk you through each one of
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them. Then I'm going to walk you
through my thoughts on, quote,
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unquote, firing them from my
mental board of directors. Okay,
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so here we go. Are you ready to
enter into the dark recesses of
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my mind? Because we are going in
there. So first person on my
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mental board of directors who
I'm giving the boot. I named her
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perfectionist Pam. Perfectionist
Pam wants everything to be at an
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unreasonable level of
perfection. Nothing is ever good
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enough for her. I could do the
most incredible work. She will
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never be satisfied. She will
turn up her nose at it. She will
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find what's wrong with it. So
she creates a ton of pressure
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and anxiety, and she also makes
it really difficult for me to
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feel any sort of like sense of
pride and fulfillment and
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accomplishment around my work
and my achievements. Second
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person on my board of directors
that needs to be fired is named
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judgmental Judy, which is funny,
because that kind of reminds me
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of Judge Judy, but judgmental
Judy, her habit is to judge and
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shame whatever I do. She has a
thought on why it's not good,
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why there's something wrong with
it. Judgmental. Judy especially
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loves when I make mistakes or I
mess something up, or I do
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something wrong. That's when she
really likes to pipe in with her
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thoughts and opinions, and she
really likes to point out and
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amplify the mistakes that I have
made, and really use those
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mistakes to support her argument
that I've got some really deep
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character flaws. So that's
judgmental. Judy. We don't like
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her. The third person on my
board of directors also warning
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I'm about to use adult language.
So if you're listening with a
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kiddo, you might just want to
pause. But you know, we gotta be
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real here in this audit. Like,
this is an audit, right? So it
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has to be accurate. The next
person on my mental Board of
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Directors who's gotta go is
named bitchy Barbara, and I felt
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like I had to add her, because
she's just someone who's just
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mean, mean spirited, just evil,
unkind, and she has all kinds of
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just mean thoughts, like she
just brings this dark energy,
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and she loves to find ways to
insult me and just find things
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about me that she thinks are
distasteful. She's similar to
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judgmental Judy, but I would say
with a darker undercurrent, like
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she's meaner and harsher than
judgmental. Judy, the next
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person on my mental Board of
Directors who's got to go is
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comparison, Kathy. Comparison.
Kathy mainly takes what I'm
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doing and compares it to other
people in a way that makes me
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feel really bad. So if I do
something that didn't turn out
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well. Comparison, Kathy will go
and find someone who's doing
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that thing really well, and I'll
feel horrible about myself, and
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of course, then you have like,
judgmental Judy and bitchy
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Barbara chiming in and
perfectionist Pam piling on,
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right? But even if I accomplish
something great, comparison,
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Kathy will go out and find
someone who's done something
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better. So she's constantly on
the lookout for someone who's
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doing it right or one upping me,
and it makes it really hard then
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for me to sit with my talents
and strengths and
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accomplishments. There's also
someone on my board who needs to
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go called doomsday Deborah.
Doomsday Deborah spends most of
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her time predicting worst case
scenarios, like predicting
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really bad things that can
happen. A lot of her predictions
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are very unlikely. They're
almost like freak accident type
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predictions, but she likes to
spend a lot of time figuring out
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what they could be and mapping
them out. And she really shuts
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down my creativity and my
motivation, and she also creates
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quite a bit of anxiety. Another
person on my board of directors,
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in the group of people that need
to be fired, is glass half
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empty, Glenda. She is the worst.
She's a very loud voice on my
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inner board of directors. So she
only notices the empty half of
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the glass, she only notices what
hasn't been done, what is
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missing, what isn't working. She
dismisses anything that is good
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and is working and has been
accomplished, and she literally
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only sees what isn't there and
what is bad. I could have like a
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productive day where I
accomplish a zillion things, and
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at the end of the day, glass
half empty, Glenda will be like,
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Wow. Well, you didn't get
anything done today. She will
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just find a way to make it feel
like there hasn't been any
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progress and there's nothing
good here. I've got a couple
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more people on the board that
you're going to hear about. The
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next one is contortionist
Katrina. She's a sneaky one. So
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it took me some thinking and
reflection to realize that she
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was on my mental board of
directors. And as soon as I did,
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I was like, wow, she's a super
sneaky voice. And contortionist
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Katrina, Her job is to contort
reality and to contort facts and
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data to support the other people
on my board of directors. So for
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example, I mentioned about how
glass half empty Glenda can find
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a negative interpretation even
when things are going great. So
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contortionist Katrina will
partner with glass half empty
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Glenda and contort the facts. So
let's say I accomplished
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something really big, like I
finished writing an ebook.
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Contortionist Katrina will
whisper in glass half empty
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glenda's ear, like, Oh, Jess
didn't really finish writing the
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ebook. She actually spent an
hour lying by the pool today,
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and she was pretending to write
the ebook, and then glass half
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empty, Glenda will be like, Ha,
See, I told you, you didn't
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accomplish anything today. And
so contortionist Katrina is
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literally skewing the fact,
skewing the data, skewing
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reality, to create negative
interpretations and negative
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data to fuel some of these other
members of my mental board of
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directors. Finally, the last
person on my list is anxious
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Abigail. Anxious. Abigail just
likes to worry about everything.
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Her main job is to collect facts
and find things to worry about.
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Now, she's actually well
intentioned. She's not trying to
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make me feel bad, like some of
the other board members are.
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She's trying to protect me, and
she's, like, really,
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legitimately worried the bad
things will happen, but she,
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too, is really in cahoots with
contortionist Katrina, so a lot
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of her anxiety isn't coming from
what's real. It's coming from
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the lies that contortionist
Katrina feeds to anxious
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Abigail. So as you can probably
see, contortionist Katrina plays
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a really key role on my board of
directors, where she supplies a
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lot of inaccurate facts and
data. The phrase Fake news is
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coming to mind. She supplies
fake news to the other members
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of my board of directors to fuel
their voices. Okay, so if you're
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doing this exercise, this might
give you a sense of who some of
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the people on your mental Board
of Directors might be. They
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might be the same as mine. They
might be different. In the audit
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worksheet that I mentioned, I
listed out all of the members of
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my board of directors that I
talked about here on the
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episode, so you can use them as
inspiration and to help you
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identify your own experiences
and who's on your internal board
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of directors. And now I just
want to talk a little bit about
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how these members of my mental
Board of Directors impact.
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Impact my confidence and my
behavior. And then, most
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importantly, I want to talk
about how I think about firing
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them from my mental board of
directors and who I replace them
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with. So as part of this
exercise, it's really important
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to not just identify who's on
this mental board of directors,
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but also to identify when I
allow these board members to be
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the ones approving my decisions,
what kind of decisions do I
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make? Because remember, the idea
behind this is that they're an
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advisory committee, and their
opinions are dictating your
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actions, right? That's what we
talked about in part one of this
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series. So when these voices
that I mentioned perfectionist,
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Pam, judgmental, Judy, bitchy,
Barbara, comparison. Kathy,
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Doomsday, Deborah, glass half
empty. Glenda, contortionist,
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Katrina and anxious Abigail,
when these board members have
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decision power and have voting
power on my mental board, what
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happens is I don't want to take
any risks. I don't take risks. I
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don't exit my comfort zone. I
don't do things that are, like,
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scary or new or uncomfortable. I
don't show up big, I don't have,
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like, a loud voice. I don't
express myself in a really bold
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way. I also don't trust myself.
I don't like act on my intuitive
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impulses and the ideas that come
up. I kind of just like dismiss
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them and let them fizzle away. I
also don't act on like, bursts
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of creative inspiration. If I
have an idea or something I'm
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excited about, instead of
following it and acting on it,
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I'll just, like, let it die out
and let it fizzle away. Because
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all of these board members are
going to have so many critical
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thoughts about it and about why
it's not good enough, and about
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why it's not gonna work, and
about why I shouldn't do it. And
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finally, the other way that
these board members impact me is
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that I feel really tired, not
necessarily physically tired,
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but mentally tired, like I
almost imagine all of these
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voices in a room, talking,
talking, talking, talking, all
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day long, just like listening to
that cacophony of voices, oh my
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gosh. I just used the word
cacophony for the first time in
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my life in a sentence. Woo. Yay
me. But like, listening to that
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is so draining, it is so
exhausting, and it leaves not
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much energy left to do anything
else, like, even if these Board
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of Directors members weren't
making me feel risk averse and
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small and afraid and anxious and
scared, just the sheer
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exhaustion that I would feel
from listening to their voices
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on its own would be enough to
get in the way of the behaviors
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that I want to take that get me
closer to my goals and dreams,
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and so for me, I make a decision
that these board members are not
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allowed to be on my mental board
of directors, because if they
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are, I'm not going to get the
things that I want in my life
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and in my career. I'm not going
to feel the way that I want to
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feel. I'm not going to feel
capable and confident and
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powerful and autonomous, and I'm
not going to achieve the goals
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that I want to achieve. So when
I was in my corporate career,
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those goals included becoming an
executive, leading teams,
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working on big projects, having
a big compensation package. And
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now I'm not in corporate but now
my goals include running a
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business, having a powerful
voice, growing my business like
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building something big. And I
know that if I listen to these
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voices, and if these people are
on my board of directors, those
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goals aren't going to come to
fruition, or they're going to
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take much longer than they would
ordinarily take. And so I have
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decided that these people don't
get to sit on my board. Now,
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here's the thing. Here's the
thing about the mental board of
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directors is that I think of
these board members as being
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pushy and aggressive. So even if
I fire them and I'm like, Okay,
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I've identified perfectionist
Pam, and I'm firing her from my
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00:18:59,259 --> 00:19:03,119
board of directors, she will,
just like, bust back in to the
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boardroom, even though she's
fired. So these board members
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aren't very compliant when we
ask them to get out of town. And
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00:19:10,679 --> 00:19:14,819
so what I often think of is,
okay, I'm not going to be able
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to banish them forever, right?
They're going to keep coming
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00:19:18,179 --> 00:19:20,719
back in and busting down the
door because they're really
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00:19:20,719 --> 00:19:24,979
annoying and really stubborn, so
I probably can't keep them out
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of my board of directors
permanently, but what I can do
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is I can take away their voting
power, so they can be super loud
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and they can have lots of
negative thoughts and opinions.
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But if I know that they don't
get voting power, then I'm going
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to take the actions that I want
to take, and I'm not going to
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listen to what they are telling
me to do, because they are
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telling me to do things that
involve me showing up small and
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not achieving my goals. And that
doesn't work for me. So when it
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comes to your board of directors
and those negative voices who
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you. Don't want getting in the
way of you showing up
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powerfully. There are a couple
ways that you can think about
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managing that. Of course, the
ideal is to just kick them off
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the board, to fire them. And
while they are stubborn, I have
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00:20:13,739 --> 00:20:18,299
seen within myself and within so
many of my clients that after a
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certain amount of time spent
working through a negative
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thought pattern that we keep on
having in our minds. We often do
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get to a point where those
thoughts just stop coming up,
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and that board member is just
permanently fired from the
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board. So one example for me is
glass half empty Glenda. I used
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to really struggle to see the
good in any situation, but
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especially the good in myself
and my own accomplishments and
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the things that I was working
on. And it was one of the more
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00:20:50,799 --> 00:20:55,239
stubborn pieces, like she was
one of the louder, more stubborn
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members of my board of
directors, and because I was so
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aware of that and really wanted
to adjust that and work on that.
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That's not something that really
comes up for me, like maybe
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every once in a while she busts
into the boardroom, but it's not
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frequent, and it's pretty easy
for me to push her out. So the
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ideal situation is that you do
the work, and that board member
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is done, fired, kaput, they're
not there anymore, but to take
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the pressure off of you and so
that you don't feel this sense
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of like, well, if I have these
negative thoughts, then I'm
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doing it wrong. What I like to
think about instead is, number
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one, taking away their voting
power, making sure that these
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negative perspectives and
negative people on your board of
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directors aren't dictating the
choices and actions that you
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make day to day. And number two,
this is what I'm going to get
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into in part three of this
series. One of the most powerful
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ways to weaken the negative
voices on your board of
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00:21:52,539 --> 00:21:55,359
directors, especially if they're
stubborn and it's really hard to
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fire them, is to fill your board
of directors with the voices
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that you do want there, so you
drown out the negative voices by
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00:22:05,219 --> 00:22:08,699
flooding your mental board of
director with positive,
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encouraging voices. And so in
part three of this series, I'm
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going to walk you through the
people that I intentionally,
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quote, unquote, curate for my
mental board of directors. So if
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I don't want perfectionist Pam
and judgmental Judy and bitchy
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00:22:24,439 --> 00:22:28,159
Barbara on there, who do I want
on there? Who are the board
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members that are going to
support me, and what type of
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energy and perspective do they
bring? So in part three, that's
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what I'm going to dive into, and
that is one of the most
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important pieces of all of this.
So make sure that you listen to
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part three. And if you want to
do this exercise for yourself
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and you want to identify who's
on your board of directors that
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00:22:49,779 --> 00:22:52,659
needs to be fired, who do you
want to bring in? If you want to
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see the names and descriptions
of my board of directors, people
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for inspiration, you will find
this on the worksheet that goes
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00:22:59,799 --> 00:23:02,759
with this episode, and you can
grab that worksheet by clicking
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00:23:02,759 --> 00:23:05,219
the link in the show notes or
going to Jessica
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coaching.com/audit
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before I close out this episode,
I also want to remind you that
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00:23:11,580 --> 00:23:15,720
enrollment for my group program
is coming up. Doors will open
355
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,320
towards the end of September. So
keep your eyes peeled, if you
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like mindset work, and if this
inner work is what you want to
357
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,240
do more of which I recommend you
do, because it is one of the
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00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:30,320
most powerful ways to transform
your confidence. You will love
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00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,980
the art of speaking up Academy I
help you develop a strong,
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00:23:33,980 --> 00:23:38,180
confident voice, not just by
teaching you the tactical
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00:23:38,180 --> 00:23:41,500
communication tools that you
need to really shine when you
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00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:45,760
speak, but more importantly, to
help you do the inner work to
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strengthen your self confidence,
because a strong, effective,
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00:23:49,660 --> 00:23:53,980
powerful voice in the room comes
primarily from you having deep
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00:23:53,980 --> 00:23:57,100
belief in yourself and your
capabilities. If that's a
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00:23:57,100 --> 00:24:00,900
transformation that you are so
ready for, come join me in the
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00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:03,900
next cohort, and make sure to
add yourself to the wait list so
368
00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,360
that you don't miss the
enrollment period, and I will
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00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:10,200
put the link to the academy
waitlist in the show notes. I'm
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00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:14,400
so happy you're here, and I am
so excited to catch you in part
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00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,200
three, so I will see you there.
You.
00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:05,100
Jess Guzik: Our thoughts and
psychological experiences can be
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00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:09,300
very intangible, sometimes very
difficult for us to be aware of
3
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:13,380
and to notice and to understand.
This board of directors audit
4
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:16,740
and me giving names to the
people on my mental board of
5
00:00:16,740 --> 00:00:22,340
directors is a way of making my
psychological experience easier
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00:00:22,340 --> 00:00:26,720
to witness and see and
understand, if we can witness
7
00:00:26,780 --> 00:00:30,440
and see and understand our
psychological experience that
8
00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,200
helps us have the power to
change it.
9
00:00:34,580 --> 00:00:39,080
Welcome to the art of speaking
up a podcast that helps
10
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:43,120
professional women access the
limitless potential that lies
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00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:47,860
within them. I'm your host,
Jessica guzzik, and my mission
12
00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:51,760
is to help you find that spark
inside you that has the power to
13
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:55,660
transform your career in ways
you may not have thought
14
00:00:55,780 --> 00:01:00,360
possible. I'm so excited that
you're here and now onto the
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00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:00,840
show.
16
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:11,340
Welcome to the podcast, and
welcome to part two of my
17
00:01:11,340 --> 00:01:15,720
episode series on mindset and
changing your inner
18
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:20,360
psychological landscape in order
to feel more confident and take
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00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:24,500
up more space at work. So what
I'm going to do is I'm going to
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00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:30,500
give you a hyper speed recap of
part one, just for continuity
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00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:34,640
sake, but just know that this
episode is meant to be listened
22
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:38,780
to after you've heard part one.
So it's not going to fully make
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00:01:38,780 --> 00:01:41,800
sense or sink in unless you've
listened to part one. So go back
24
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,760
and listen to part one if you
haven't already. But the super
25
00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:50,920
quick recap is in part one, I
shared with you this idea that
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00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:56,980
we all have a fictional,
imaginary board of directors, or
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00:01:56,980 --> 00:02:02,520
like advisory committee, that
lives in our minds. And I think
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00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:06,360
of all of the thoughts that we
have about us and how good we
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00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:09,540
are and how much space we're
worthy of taking up in the
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00:02:09,540 --> 00:02:12,720
world, all of those thoughts
that we have. I think of those
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00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:17,880
thoughts as being the voices of
the people who sit on that board
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00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:22,280
of directors or on that advisory
committee. And the idea is that
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00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:26,360
if we have a mental board of
directors that is very negative
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00:02:26,660 --> 00:02:29,600
and shares negative thoughts
with us, aka, we have lots of
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00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:33,140
negative thoughts about
ourselves, it interferes with us
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00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:37,700
taking the actions that we want
to take, to leave the legacy and
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00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:41,920
impact that we want to leave in
our careers, whereas, if we have
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00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:45,880
a mental Board of Directors
comprised of really encouraging,
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00:02:46,060 --> 00:02:50,680
determined, motivated, positive
voices, that helps us show up
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00:02:50,740 --> 00:02:54,640
bigger for ourselves and for our
careers, it helps us feel more
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00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:58,420
confident and make our goals
come to fruition much faster.
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00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:03,660
And what I want to do in today's
episode, in part two is I want
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to walk you through an audit of
your mental board of directors.
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And the best way for us to do
this is actually I'm going to
45
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:17,340
take myself through the audit.
So I'm going to audit who are
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00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:19,980
some of the people that are
sitting on my mental board of
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00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:24,320
directors that need to be fired,
and who are the people that I
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00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,620
want sitting on my mental board
of directors, because their
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perspectives and their voices
make me feel strong and
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00:03:30,980 --> 00:03:34,340
confident inside. So I'm going
to be going through a process
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where I'm going to identify my
negative board members. I'm
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going to fire them. I'm going to
think through who I want sitting
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on my board of directors. We're
going to go into lots of details
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about my negative thoughts and
the skeletons that are in my
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mind. And if you want to do this
alongside me, I created a
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worksheet where you can follow
along so you don't have to. You
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can just listen to this episode
and you'll get a lot out of it,
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but probably some of you are
going to want to dig deeper and
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actually do this work. And so if
you want to do your own audit
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and you want to go through this
process step by step, you can
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grab the audit worksheet that
goes with this episode at the
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link in the show notes, or at
just guzzet coaching.com/audit
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Okay, now, when I was thinking
through who are the negative
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voices on my mental board of
directors who need to be fired
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and kicked out of my mind and
whose voices I do not want
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dictating my decisions and
actions, as I was going through
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that Exercise, I decided to give
them names like human names, and
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I encourage you to do this for
yourself as well. This is hugely
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valuable, because the name helps
make the psychological
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experience more concrete and
really easier to see and
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understand. So I think what.
Tricky about mindset work is
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mindset. Work is about what's
happening in our mind. It's
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about our thoughts. It's about
our psychological experiences
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and our thoughts. And
psychological experiences can be
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very intangible, sometimes very
difficult for us to be aware of
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and to notice and to understand.
And so this board of directors
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audit and me giving names to the
people on my mental board of
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directors is a way of making my
psychological experience easier
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to witness and see and
understand. And if we can
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witness and see and understand
our psychological experience,
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that helps us have the power to
change it, because a big reason
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that we often get stuck is that
the thoughts we're having and
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the mindset patterns that we are
getting stuck in, they're
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happening so fast and so
automatically that we don't even
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realize they're happening, and
we don't even realize that it's
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our own thinking and Our own
mindset that's actually keeping
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us stuck. And so for me, by
naming the people on my board of
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directors that need to get fired
and kicked out, I am slowing
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down my own thought process. I'm
giving myself space to look at
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it and observe it, and when I
look at it and observe it, that
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gives me the ability to make
decisions on how I want to
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respond to it when I notice it
coming up in the future. I share
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this with you because so many
women who listen to my show and
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so many of my clients want to
experience psychological change.
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And so often a question that I
get is like, how how do I
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strengthen my mindset? How do I
become more confident? How do I
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break some of these frustrating
patterns that are keeping me
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stuck? And this is a huge piece
of how we do it. We create space
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to observe and reflect and
understand what we are
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experiencing psychologically. So
that's what we're doing
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together. And I'm going to walk
you through the audit of all of
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the people on my board of
directors who I do not want to
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have a seat on my board of
directors. I do not want them to
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be on the board. I do not want
them to have voting power,
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because when they do, they
interfere with how I show up in
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the world, and they delay my
progress of reaching and
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attaining my goals. So I'm going
to walk you through each one of
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them. Then I'm going to walk you
through my thoughts on, quote,
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unquote, firing them from my
mental board of directors. Okay,
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so here we go. Are you ready to
enter into the dark recesses of
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my mind? Because we are going in
there. So first person on my
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mental board of directors who
I'm giving the boot. I named her
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perfectionist Pam. Perfectionist
Pam wants everything to be at an
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unreasonable level of
perfection. Nothing is ever good
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enough for her. I could do the
most incredible work. She will
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never be satisfied. She will
turn up her nose at it. She will
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find what's wrong with it. So
she creates a ton of pressure
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and anxiety, and she also makes
it really difficult for me to
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feel any sort of like sense of
pride and fulfillment and
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accomplishment around my work
and my achievements. Second
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00:08:10,259 --> 00:08:13,739
person on my board of directors
that needs to be fired is named
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judgmental Judy, which is funny,
because that kind of reminds me
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of Judge Judy, but judgmental
Judy, her habit is to judge and
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shame whatever I do. She has a
thought on why it's not good,
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why there's something wrong with
it. Judgmental. Judy especially
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loves when I make mistakes or I
mess something up, or I do
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something wrong. That's when she
really likes to pipe in with her
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thoughts and opinions, and she
really likes to point out and
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amplify the mistakes that I have
made, and really use those
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mistakes to support her argument
that I've got some really deep
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character flaws. So that's
judgmental. Judy. We don't like
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her. The third person on my
board of directors also warning
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I'm about to use adult language.
So if you're listening with a
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kiddo, you might just want to
pause. But you know, we gotta be
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real here in this audit. Like,
this is an audit, right? So it
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has to be accurate. The next
person on my mental Board of
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Directors who's gotta go is
named bitchy Barbara, and I felt
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like I had to add her, because
she's just someone who's just
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mean, mean spirited, just evil,
unkind, and she has all kinds of
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just mean thoughts, like she
just brings this dark energy,
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and she loves to find ways to
insult me and just find things
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about me that she thinks are
distasteful. She's similar to
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judgmental Judy, but I would say
with a darker undercurrent, like
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she's meaner and harsher than
judgmental. Judy, the next
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person on my mental Board of
Directors who's got to go is
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00:09:44,979 --> 00:09:50,139
comparison, Kathy. Comparison.
Kathy mainly takes what I'm
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doing and compares it to other
people in a way that makes me
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feel really bad. So if I do
something that didn't turn out
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well. Comparison, Kathy will go
and find someone who's doing
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that thing really well, and I'll
feel horrible about myself, and
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of course, then you have like,
judgmental Judy and bitchy
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Barbara chiming in and
perfectionist Pam piling on,
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right? But even if I accomplish
something great, comparison,
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Kathy will go out and find
someone who's done something
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better. So she's constantly on
the lookout for someone who's
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doing it right or one upping me,
and it makes it really hard then
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for me to sit with my talents
and strengths and
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accomplishments. There's also
someone on my board who needs to
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go called doomsday Deborah.
Doomsday Deborah spends most of
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her time predicting worst case
scenarios, like predicting
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really bad things that can
happen. A lot of her predictions
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are very unlikely. They're
almost like freak accident type
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predictions, but she likes to
spend a lot of time figuring out
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what they could be and mapping
them out. And she really shuts
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down my creativity and my
motivation, and she also creates
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quite a bit of anxiety. Another
person on my board of directors,
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in the group of people that need
to be fired, is glass half
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empty, Glenda. She is the worst.
She's a very loud voice on my
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inner board of directors. So she
only notices the empty half of
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the glass, she only notices what
hasn't been done, what is
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missing, what isn't working. She
dismisses anything that is good
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and is working and has been
accomplished, and she literally
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only sees what isn't there and
what is bad. I could have like a
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productive day where I
accomplish a zillion things, and
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at the end of the day, glass
half empty, Glenda will be like,
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Wow. Well, you didn't get
anything done today. She will
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just find a way to make it feel
like there hasn't been any
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progress and there's nothing
good here. I've got a couple
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more people on the board that
you're going to hear about. The
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next one is contortionist
Katrina. She's a sneaky one. So
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it took me some thinking and
reflection to realize that she
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was on my mental board of
directors. And as soon as I did,
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I was like, wow, she's a super
sneaky voice. And contortionist
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Katrina, Her job is to contort
reality and to contort facts and
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data to support the other people
on my board of directors. So for
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example, I mentioned about how
glass half empty Glenda can find
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a negative interpretation even
when things are going great. So
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contortionist Katrina will
partner with glass half empty
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Glenda and contort the facts. So
let's say I accomplished
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something really big, like I
finished writing an ebook.
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Contortionist Katrina will
whisper in glass half empty
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glenda's ear, like, Oh, Jess
didn't really finish writing the
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ebook. She actually spent an
hour lying by the pool today,
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and she was pretending to write
the ebook, and then glass half
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empty, Glenda will be like, Ha,
See, I told you, you didn't
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accomplish anything today. And
so contortionist Katrina is
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literally skewing the fact,
skewing the data, skewing
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reality, to create negative
interpretations and negative
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data to fuel some of these other
members of my mental board of
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directors. Finally, the last
person on my list is anxious
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Abigail. Anxious. Abigail just
likes to worry about everything.
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Her main job is to collect facts
and find things to worry about.
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Now, she's actually well
intentioned. She's not trying to
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make me feel bad, like some of
the other board members are.
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She's trying to protect me, and
she's, like, really,
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legitimately worried the bad
things will happen, but she,
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too, is really in cahoots with
contortionist Katrina, so a lot
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of her anxiety isn't coming from
what's real. It's coming from
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00:13:58,239 --> 00:14:02,279
the lies that contortionist
Katrina feeds to anxious
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Abigail. So as you can probably
see, contortionist Katrina plays
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a really key role on my board of
directors, where she supplies a
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00:14:12,599 --> 00:14:16,559
lot of inaccurate facts and
data. The phrase Fake news is
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coming to mind. She supplies
fake news to the other members
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of my board of directors to fuel
their voices. Okay, so if you're
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doing this exercise, this might
give you a sense of who some of
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the people on your mental Board
of Directors might be. They
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might be the same as mine. They
might be different. In the audit
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00:14:37,639 --> 00:14:41,799
worksheet that I mentioned, I
listed out all of the members of
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00:14:41,799 --> 00:14:44,319
my board of directors that I
talked about here on the
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episode, so you can use them as
inspiration and to help you
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00:14:48,399 --> 00:14:52,779
identify your own experiences
and who's on your internal board
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00:14:52,779 --> 00:14:56,619
of directors. And now I just
want to talk a little bit about
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how these members of my mental
Board of Directors impact.
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Impact my confidence and my
behavior. And then, most
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00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:06,419
importantly, I want to talk
about how I think about firing
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00:15:06,419 --> 00:15:10,319
them from my mental board of
directors and who I replace them
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with. So as part of this
exercise, it's really important
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to not just identify who's on
this mental board of directors,
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but also to identify when I
allow these board members to be
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the ones approving my decisions,
what kind of decisions do I
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make? Because remember, the idea
behind this is that they're an
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advisory committee, and their
opinions are dictating your
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00:15:35,599 --> 00:15:38,779
actions, right? That's what we
talked about in part one of this
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series. So when these voices
that I mentioned perfectionist,
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Pam, judgmental, Judy, bitchy,
Barbara, comparison. Kathy,
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00:15:46,059 --> 00:15:48,999
Doomsday, Deborah, glass half
empty. Glenda, contortionist,
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00:15:48,999 --> 00:15:53,079
Katrina and anxious Abigail,
when these board members have
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00:15:53,079 --> 00:15:56,859
decision power and have voting
power on my mental board, what
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00:15:56,859 --> 00:16:01,079
happens is I don't want to take
any risks. I don't take risks. I
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00:16:01,079 --> 00:16:03,839
don't exit my comfort zone. I
don't do things that are, like,
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00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:07,919
scary or new or uncomfortable. I
don't show up big, I don't have,
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00:16:07,919 --> 00:16:11,339
like, a loud voice. I don't
express myself in a really bold
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00:16:11,339 --> 00:16:16,499
way. I also don't trust myself.
I don't like act on my intuitive
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00:16:16,499 --> 00:16:20,419
impulses and the ideas that come
up. I kind of just like dismiss
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00:16:20,419 --> 00:16:24,919
them and let them fizzle away. I
also don't act on like, bursts
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00:16:24,979 --> 00:16:28,579
of creative inspiration. If I
have an idea or something I'm
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00:16:28,579 --> 00:16:31,639
excited about, instead of
following it and acting on it,
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I'll just, like, let it die out
and let it fizzle away. Because
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all of these board members are
going to have so many critical
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00:16:38,059 --> 00:16:40,599
thoughts about it and about why
it's not good enough, and about
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00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:44,019
why it's not gonna work, and
about why I shouldn't do it. And
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00:16:44,019 --> 00:16:48,039
finally, the other way that
these board members impact me is
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that I feel really tired, not
necessarily physically tired,
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00:16:51,939 --> 00:16:55,359
but mentally tired, like I
almost imagine all of these
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00:16:55,359 --> 00:16:58,899
voices in a room, talking,
talking, talking, talking, all
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00:16:58,899 --> 00:17:04,079
day long, just like listening to
that cacophony of voices, oh my
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00:17:04,079 --> 00:17:06,719
gosh. I just used the word
cacophony for the first time in
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00:17:06,719 --> 00:17:10,379
my life in a sentence. Woo. Yay
me. But like, listening to that
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00:17:10,619 --> 00:17:15,719
is so draining, it is so
exhausting, and it leaves not
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00:17:15,719 --> 00:17:21,019
much energy left to do anything
else, like, even if these Board
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00:17:21,019 --> 00:17:24,439
of Directors members weren't
making me feel risk averse and
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00:17:24,439 --> 00:17:28,099
small and afraid and anxious and
scared, just the sheer
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00:17:28,099 --> 00:17:32,179
exhaustion that I would feel
from listening to their voices
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on its own would be enough to
get in the way of the behaviors
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00:17:37,459 --> 00:17:41,679
that I want to take that get me
closer to my goals and dreams,
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and so for me, I make a decision
that these board members are not
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allowed to be on my mental board
of directors, because if they
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are, I'm not going to get the
things that I want in my life
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and in my career. I'm not going
to feel the way that I want to
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feel. I'm not going to feel
capable and confident and
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powerful and autonomous, and I'm
not going to achieve the goals
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that I want to achieve. So when
I was in my corporate career,
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those goals included becoming an
executive, leading teams,
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working on big projects, having
a big compensation package. And
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now I'm not in corporate but now
my goals include running a
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business, having a powerful
voice, growing my business like
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building something big. And I
know that if I listen to these
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voices, and if these people are
on my board of directors, those
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goals aren't going to come to
fruition, or they're going to
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take much longer than they would
ordinarily take. And so I have
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decided that these people don't
get to sit on my board. Now,
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here's the thing. Here's the
thing about the mental board of
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directors is that I think of
these board members as being
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pushy and aggressive. So even if
I fire them and I'm like, Okay,
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I've identified perfectionist
Pam, and I'm firing her from my
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board of directors, she will,
just like, bust back in to the
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boardroom, even though she's
fired. So these board members
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aren't very compliant when we
ask them to get out of town. And
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so what I often think of is,
okay, I'm not going to be able
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to banish them forever, right?
They're going to keep coming
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back in and busting down the
door because they're really
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annoying and really stubborn, so
I probably can't keep them out
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of my board of directors
permanently, but what I can do
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is I can take away their voting
power, so they can be super loud
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and they can have lots of
negative thoughts and opinions.
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But if I know that they don't
get voting power, then I'm going
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to take the actions that I want
to take, and I'm not going to
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listen to what they are telling
me to do, because they are
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telling me to do things that
involve me showing up small and
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not achieving my goals. And that
doesn't work for me. So when it
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comes to your board of directors
and those negative voices who
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you. Don't want getting in the
way of you showing up
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powerfully. There are a couple
ways that you can think about
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managing that. Of course, the
ideal is to just kick them off
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the board, to fire them. And
while they are stubborn, I have
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seen within myself and within so
many of my clients that after a
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certain amount of time spent
working through a negative
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thought pattern that we keep on
having in our minds. We often do
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get to a point where those
thoughts just stop coming up,
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and that board member is just
permanently fired from the
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board. So one example for me is
glass half empty Glenda. I used
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to really struggle to see the
good in any situation, but
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especially the good in myself
and my own accomplishments and
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the things that I was working
on. And it was one of the more
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stubborn pieces, like she was
one of the louder, more stubborn
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members of my board of
directors, and because I was so
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aware of that and really wanted
to adjust that and work on that.
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That's not something that really
comes up for me, like maybe
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every once in a while she busts
into the boardroom, but it's not
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frequent, and it's pretty easy
for me to push her out. So the
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ideal situation is that you do
the work, and that board member
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is done, fired, kaput, they're
not there anymore, but to take
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the pressure off of you and so
that you don't feel this sense
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of like, well, if I have these
negative thoughts, then I'm
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doing it wrong. What I like to
think about instead is, number
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one, taking away their voting
power, making sure that these
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negative perspectives and
negative people on your board of
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directors aren't dictating the
choices and actions that you
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make day to day. And number two,
this is what I'm going to get
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into in part three of this
series. One of the most powerful
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ways to weaken the negative
voices on your board of
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directors, especially if they're
stubborn and it's really hard to
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fire them, is to fill your board
of directors with the voices
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that you do want there, so you
drown out the negative voices by
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flooding your mental board of
director with positive,
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encouraging voices. And so in
part three of this series, I'm
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going to walk you through the
people that I intentionally,
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quote, unquote, curate for my
mental board of directors. So if
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I don't want perfectionist Pam
and judgmental Judy and bitchy
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Barbara on there, who do I want
on there? Who are the board
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members that are going to
support me, and what type of
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energy and perspective do they
bring? So in part three, that's
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what I'm going to dive into, and
that is one of the most
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important pieces of all of this.
So make sure that you listen to
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part three. And if you want to
do this exercise for yourself
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and you want to identify who's
on your board of directors that
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needs to be fired, who do you
want to bring in? If you want to
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see the names and descriptions
of my board of directors, people
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for inspiration, you will find
this on the worksheet that goes
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with this episode, and you can
grab that worksheet by clicking
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the link in the show notes or
going to Jessica
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coaching.com/audit
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before I close out this episode,
I also want to remind you that
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enrollment for my group program
is coming up. Doors will open
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00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:19,320
towards the end of September. So
keep your eyes peeled, if you
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like mindset work, and if this
inner work is what you want to
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00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,240
do more of which I recommend you
do, because it is one of the
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00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:30,320
most powerful ways to transform
your confidence. You will love
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00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,980
the art of speaking up Academy I
help you develop a strong,
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00:23:33,980 --> 00:23:38,180
confident voice, not just by
teaching you the tactical
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00:23:38,180 --> 00:23:41,500
communication tools that you
need to really shine when you
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00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:45,760
speak, but more importantly, to
help you do the inner work to
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00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:49,660
strengthen your self confidence,
because a strong, effective,
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00:23:49,660 --> 00:23:53,980
powerful voice in the room comes
primarily from you having deep
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00:23:53,980 --> 00:23:57,100
belief in yourself and your
capabilities. If that's a
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00:23:57,100 --> 00:24:00,900
transformation that you are so
ready for, come join me in the
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00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:03,900
next cohort, and make sure to
add yourself to the wait list so
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00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,360
that you don't miss the
enrollment period, and I will
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00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:10,200
put the link to the academy
waitlist in the show notes. I'm
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00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:14,400
so happy you're here, and I am
so excited to catch you in part
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three, so I will see you there.
You.